Why Men Stay Silent About Eating Disorders (And Why It’s Time to Talk)

Eating disorders don’t turn up in a neat, recognisable way. Especially not for men. They don’t always start with body image or involve dramatic weight loss. They rarely get picked up early. And more often than not, they’re completely hidden under labels like anxiety, gym motivation, picky eating, or just not hungry.

The truth? Many boys and men grow up with unspoken pressure to control something. To be the man. To be successful. Strong. Easy-going. Never vulnerable. But under that quiet exterior, food can become the only thing they feel they can control.

The Hidden Client

I once worked with a young man who first came to me for anxiety. Let’s call him J.

He was kind. Quiet. Desperate to do everything right. School had been hard, friends were few, and perfection was how he managed to survive. There were signs,  but they didn’t show up in a way that would have raised alarms.

He wasn’t eating enough. He’d been underweight since childhood. But no one picked it up.

Because he didn’t look unwell. He wasn’t purging. He didn’t talk about his body. He was just… anxious.

But as we worked together, we began to explore his relationship with food. He had strict rules, avoided certain meals, never ate in public. His body was always in survival mode.

Through calorie-dense shakes, emotional safety, and nervous system regulation, his world started to open up. His energy lifted. He could travel. His confidence returned. But what always struck me was this:

If he hadn’t spoken to me, he might never have known he had an eating disorder at all.

The Neuroscience of Silence

Here’s what we know from neuroscience:

Shame shuts down language. The more ashamed someone feels, the harder it is to speak about their experience. This is especially true for men, who are often conditioned from early life not to express vulnerability.

The prefrontal cortex,  the part of the brain responsible for planning and decision-making, becomes hijacked by anxiety. In survival mode, thinking clearly about food becomes impossible. It’s not just about willpower;  it’s a nervous system issue.

Dopamine pathways in some men (especially neurodivergent men) become fixated on rules and routine, including food, exercise, and appearance, but this often gets overlooked because it’s masked as discipline.

What Male Body Image Really Looks Like

It’s easy to think of eating disorders as a “female issue.” But that stereotype has left thousands of men feeling confused, ashamed, and alone.

We see:

• Muscle dysmorphia, where being muscly isn’t enough; they must be lean, shredded, alpha

• Restrictive eating to delay puberty, especially in neurodivergent or anxious boys afraid of change

• Gym obsession,  under the guise of fitness, masks compulsive behaviours

• Bulimia and binge-restrict cycles,  often hidden behind late-night eating, alcohol use, or sports pressure

And then there’s the so-called “Dad bod” – a cultural shift suggesting body confidence, yet often masking deeper emotional suppression because body image issues don’t disappear just because someone appears relaxed.

So Why Don’t Men Talk?

Because they were never shown how.

Because the language around eating disorders is still steeped in gender bias.

Because saying “I don’t feel good in my body” feels like a betrayal of masculinity.

Because men are praised for control. For pushing through. For not caring.

And in truth, many of the men I work with do care. Deeply. They just haven’t had the safe space to say it out loud.

Famous Examples and Why They Matter

Gary Barlow publicly spoke about his battle with bulimia. So did actor Christopher Eccleston. But the list is short, not because others don’t exist, but because stigma silences them.

We need more men to come forward.

We need more therapists trained to spot these signs.

We need to say: You don’t have to look a certain way to deserve help.

If You’re Reading This and Wondering…

You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis.

If food feels like it rules your life…

If you panic when you miss the gym…

If eating feels unsafe, shameful, or secret…

It’s OK to talk about it. And it’s OK to ask for help.

What Recovery Can Look Like

Recovery doesn’t mean becoming someone different. It means becoming more yourself.

For the men I’ve worked with, recovery has meant:

• Building strength from the inside out

• Feeling good enough without proving anything

• Finding peace with food,  and freedom in life

I’m Becky Stone, a neurodivergent therapist who supports teens and adults through trauma-informed eating disorder recovery. I work with men, women, and non-binary clients,  especially those who’ve never felt “sick enough” to ask for help. You deserve support, whether it’s about food, anxiety, or how hard it is to feel at home in your own body.

Find out more at www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk

If you found this blog helpful, I share honest, trauma-informed insights every single week on recovery, self-worth, and what it means to feel good in your skin.

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